


The recklessness of falling in love

by Arianne_Isobel



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - School, Drug Use, Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-09-22
Packaged: 2019-01-04 05:44:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12162693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arianne_Isobel/pseuds/Arianne_Isobel
Summary: Arthur, the golden head boy of Camelot was completely fine with who he was - out and proud. Merlin - trapped with his homophobic stepfather after his mother died - is hiding who he really is. And he most certainly does not like boys - especially not Arthur Pendragon.





	The recklessness of falling in love

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for homophobia and abusive language.

“First things first I’m a realist”

 

The words bounced obscenely off the white washed walls. The only thing littering them was the ‘only you decide your future’ posters that were stuck here there and everywhere. The head masters attempt to get the sixth formers to get their heads down and actually study for their A levels and not just wing it on the day. Winging it on the day sounded like a fantastic idea, actually. Since they were supposed to be in Biology now.

 

“Will, shut the fuck up”

 

Will stared at Merlin for a minute, mouth hanging open dramatically. “Do you dare to tell me, ME to shut the fuck up?! You shut the fuck up”

 

“Do you want to get caught?” Merlin hissed, looking around frantically to see if anyone was around. Nobody was. Everyone was in class, listening to mind numbing classes about whatever the teachers were droning on about that day.

 

“We never get caught”

 

“We will if you’re singing Iggy Azalea.” Will didn’t have any self-control what so ever, which was quite fitting really, for him. He was like a ruddy over hyped puppy, bouncing around the empty corridor singing bad pop songs.

 

“I can hold you down like I’m giving lessons in physics”

 

“Just shut up”

 

“Sound advice. I suggest, William that you take it” The posh, intruding voice said from behind them.

 

“Now you’ve done it” Merlin muttered, spinning around to face the golden boy. Or, head boy as his proper title.

 

“Shouldn’t you two be in class?” Arthur asked with a raised eyebrow, looking far more superior than he probably had right to. Of course, in Merlin’s opinion, head boy was just an excuse to skip lessons to get other people in trouble for what he did anyway, kind of a do as I say, not as I do thing.

 

“Shouldn’t you be squeezing the life out of some years 7s?” Will deadpanned, Merlin blanched.

 

“That’s exactly where we were heading” Merlin interjected, standing up straight.

 

“Really? Because classes started a half hour ago”

 

“We had a free period” Merlin said smoothly, not breaking eye contact with Arthur.

 

“Really, because no one else seems to have one” Arthur raised a perfect eyebrow.

 

“You have one!” Will argued, throwing his hands up dramatically. Too dramatically.

 

“I’m also head boy”

 

“Giving head, boy?” Will sniggered

 

“Ignore him, he’s an idiot” Merlin quickly saved, wide eyes and blushing furiously.

 

“Noted” Arthur scoffed. “Let’s see your schedule, then, see this free period.”

 

“What, no!” Will almost shouted. “That is an invasion of privacy. It’s like you don’t trust us”

 

“I don’t trust you”

 

“That’s just rude”

 

Merlin coughed. “Well, if that will be all, we’ll be on our way” He grabbed Will’s arm to spin them around.

 

“Not so fast” Arthur smirked. “Come with me”

 

 

*****_*****

 

 

“So, boys, exactly whose idea was it to skip class?” The head master, Gaius asked, glaring at the two boys. Arthur stood at the back of the room, smirking to himself.

 

“His” They both said, pointing to each other.

 

“His?” Mr Gaius asked with a raised eyebrow, drained, he sighed, glancing around the maroon painted office. The only coloured room in the whole school. Colours made kids hyper, in his own opinion. He would not have hyper kids at his school.

 

“Yeah” Both boys nodded.

 

“Right, okay” Gaius took a deep breath. “I’m not going to get the truth out of you two, am I?”

 

“Probably not” Merlin confessed ruefully.

 

“Hmm, well” Gaius tapped his pencil on the desk, staring them out.

 

“Mr Gaius” Will started. “We’re very sorry, and I can assure you that we won’t get caught doing it again”

 

Gaius went slightly red in the face, Merlin shook his head and Arthur just snickered to himself in background.

 

“Don’t you mean you won’t be doing it again?” Gaius said dangerously low.

 

“Of course! You have my word” Will lied easily.

 

“Boys” Gaius sighed. “Your A levels are important. Even more important than your GCSE’s. You won’t get into university without good grades. And from what I know, William, you need to spend more time in class if you’re going to make it through your exams with even a low pass grade”

 

Will smirked, and tapped his head. “It’s all up here, Head master.”

 

“I’m sure. Okay, boys. I’m going to let you off this time. If it happens again, though, there will be serious consequences, got it?”

 

Both boys nodded. “Then you are free to go, William. I’d like a word with Mr Emrys here if you don’t mind.”

 

Will nodded, and patted Merlin’s shoulder. “Tough break, Kid”

 

The door shuts behind Will, and Merlin sagged in his seat, his heart dropping. He knew what he was going to say, the same thing everyone had said to him the past two months.

 

“Merlin, what’s going on with you?” Gaius asked gently.

 

“There’s nothing going on, I skipped class once, it’s no big deal.”

 

“I know you’re going through a rough patch in your life, Hunith was a dear friend of mine, losing her was hard for everyone. But she wouldn’t want this for you, think about how disappointed she’d be”

 

“You have no right to tell me what my mother would think of me”

 

“She had high hopes for you, she wouldn’t want to make a wreck of your life as you will be if you keep skipping classes.”

 

Merlin stood up angrily. “You know nothing about my Mother!” He shouted, going red in the face. “You’re not the one who had to sit and watch her die like that! You have no right to tell me how disappointed she’d be!” He stormed out the office, stamping to the toilets.

 

Naturally, there was no one in the toilets, everyone was class, where he was supposed to be. But no, here he was, skipping class, disappointing his mother.

 

He stared at his reflection for a minute, his face burning red. His anger growing until he could almost feel his blood boiling.

 

How dare he? After months of watching his mother fade into nothing, he had the nerve to tell Merlin that Hunith would be disappointed!

 

 His vision blurred in rage as he pulled his arm back and hit the mirror with his fist. The mirror cracked away into little pieces that fell into the sink and onto the floor. He watched with sick fascination as blood dribbled around a chunk of glass that was embedded in his knuckle.

 

“Shit shit _shit_!” He yelled, kicking the wall.

 

The door burst open and – of course – Arthur came rushing in. “Are you alright?” He stared dumbly at the blood pouring out of Merlin’s fist.

 

“Do I look alright?!”

 

“You need to go and see the nurse” Arthur said, reaching out to take Merlin’s arm.

 

“Don’t touch me” He pulled his arm away, cradling his hand. “I can get to the nurse just fine.” He stalked off, Arthur at his heels.

 

“What the hell did you even do?”

 

“What does it look like? I punched the fucking mirror are you stupid?”

 

“Why did you punch the mirror?” Arthur stared dumbly, all big blue eyes and long eye lashes and he could go right to hell.

 

“Because it offended me” Merlin shut the door to the nurse’s office behind him, blocking Arthur out.

 

He sat on the bed in the office as Alice wrapped a started bandage around his bloody hand. “It’ll need stitches” She muttered. “We’ve phoned your step father, he’s on his way”

 

“Great” Merlin said as the door opened. Cenred, his step father stormed in, closely followed by Gaius and Arthur.

 

“What the bloody hell did you do?” Cenred demanded, taking hold of the bandaged hand. Merlin winced. Cenred was going red in the face. He probably didn’t sign up to look after a hormonal teenager, but here he was anyway.

 

“I punched a mirror” Merlin muttered sadly.

 

“Why on earth did you do that boy?!”

 

“It offended me!”

 

Cenred snorted. “What, your reflection?”

 

“No”

 

“Then what?”

 

Merlin muttered under his breath, throwing daggers at Pendragon. It was his fault he was here, if he’d have just turned a blind eye then all would be fine.

 

“Speak up, I can’t hear a word you’re saying” Cenred huffed.

 

“Gaius said mum would be disappointed in me” Merlin stared at the grey flecked floor, swinging his legs gently. The thought of his mother hurt.

 

Cenred went an interesting shade of red as he spluttered, Merlin wandered how long it would take him to form a coherent sentence, his hand hurt and he needed to get away from Pendragons knowing stare.

 

“He said what?” Cenred finally managed to spit out.

 

“It wasn’t exactly like that” Gaius said as calmly as possible. “Mr Emrys was caught skipping class with William Sampson, that behaviour will not be accepted.”

 

“You have no right to tell Merlin that his Mother would be disappointed in him.”

 

“It wasn’t said exactly like that” Gaius protested.

 

“I don’t want to hear any more of it. If it’s quite alright with you, Head master, I’d like to take my stepson to the hospital to get his hand sorted out. I can assure you, this is not the last you’ve heard of this though”

 

Merlin slid off the bed, and stood next to Cenred, who put his arm around his shoulder and lead his out the room. Merlin bumped into Arthurs shoulder, sending him a meaningful glare, and followed Cenred to the car.

 

“How dare he say that? What right does that man think he has, to say that kind of thing to a seventeen year old?!” Cenred shouted at the top of his lungs while driving much too fast to the hospital. Merlin had explained what had happened, luckily, Cenred was too angry at Gaius to give him grief about skipping class with Will. “And that Pendragon kid! I cannot believe they made that queer head boy! Does this town have no standards anymore?”

 

“Tell me about” Merlin muttered. “He’s a right prat” And it was the truth. He couldn’t stand Pendragon. He was rude and arrogant and a goddamn brownnose. So why did he get butterflies whenever he was around?

 

 

******_******

 

 

“Honestly, the losers actually thought they were going to get away with it! Not on my watch” Arthur bragged. He was sitting around their usual round, wooden table on the edge of the field. With him was Lancelot, Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Elyan and Elyan’s sister Gwen. “I swear, I’ve never seen Emrys so pissed off in all my life, he actually punched the mirror! How sad is that?!”

 

Someone behind his cleared their throat. With a smirk, Arthur turned around to see who had rudely interrupted his bragging when a fist connected with his cheek. Pain erupted across his face. He cried out as his hand flew to his bruising cheek.

 

“You bastard” Will panted, clutching his hand. “You’ve got a right fucking hard head”

 

“You shouldn’t be going around punching people!” Arthur argued, rubbing his cheek sheepishly, pain spreading across his face

 

Freya Cloverly was almost running over, staring between Arthur and Will with wide eyed concern.

 

“What happened?” She demanded, taking hold of Wills slightly red hand.

 

“He was taking the piss out of Merlin!” Will shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Arthur. Freya looked horrified.

 

“That’s not what happened” Arthur snorted.

 

“He said, and I quote; ‘I swear, I’ve never seen Emrys so pissed off in all my life, he actually punched the mirror! How sad is that’! The fucker thinks he was going to get away with it because he had his fucking cronies around him”

 

Freya stared at Arthur for a moment, all doe eyes and Arthur was stuck because that was exactly what had happened, it was less than he deserved. “Come on, Will. Let’s go find Gilli” Freya said, leading Will away – who looked like he was ready to punch Arthur again.

 

With a sigh, Arthur sat down and looked over to Gwen, who was staring at him with motherly disappointment.

 

Well...fuck.

 

 

******_******

 

 

“Four stitches” The doctor announced, preparing his needle.

 

“That’s rubbish” Merlin said, staring at his hand, the bright blood escaping through the bandage.

 

“Well, you will punch mirrors” Doctor Myror quipped.

 

“No, I mean four stitches is rubbish, I want at least seven”

 

“Merlin” His step father warned.

 

“Four stitches” Myror repeated.

 

“Oh, come on, chicks love scars, four stitches won’t do anything”

 

Cenred turned away to snigger into his sleeve, and Myror simply smirked. “Five stitches, but the last ones purely decorative.”

 

“That’s all I ask” Merlin grinned, and Cenred ruffled his hair affectionately.

 

“I think I taught him well” Cenred proudly announced.

 

Merlin snorted. “You...you taught me nothing, you still refer to it as ‘courting’, what are you, Elizabethan?”

 

Cenred shook his head sadly. “No respect these days, none what so ever”.

 

*

 

Merlin somehow managed to blag two days off, even though Cenred had said only one day off. Overall, Merlin thought, Cenred didn’t have a clue what he was doing with him, and he’d better take advantage while he could.

 

Cenred was still angry about what Gaius had said, going as far a threatening to report him. Merlin had talked him out of it, somehow. Merlin was mainly upset about Arthur the stupid prat - for grassing them up in the first place. Cenred shook his head.

 

“The whole school’s a joke! Letting queers lead example, Gaius needs his head sorting out!”

 

“Tell me about it” Merlin huffed, digging into his vanilla ice cream. “Fucking fag”

 

 

******_******

 

 

The field was packed on warm days. Any bit of sunshine sent everyone pouring out onto the grass to eat or to play football. Merlin and Will walked along side by side, looking for a patch not filled to sit on. Merlin’s hand was heavily bandaged, and Will took every opportunity possible to flick or poke it.

 

Gwen was obviously not looking where she going when she walked straight into Merlin, and dropping to floor, the books she clutching spilling from her grasp.

 

“I am so sorry” Merlin said, crouching down to pick the books up, wincing when his grip was too tight on the Literature textbook.

 

“No, no I wasn’t looking where I was going” She laughed breathlessly. Merlin held out his good hand to help her up. “Thanks” She smiled. He grinned back, wide and toothy.

 

“No problem, m’lady”

 

“How’s your hand” She asked sympathetically, nodding to the bandage.

 

“Peachy” He grinned. “Five stitches, and don’t listen to a word Will says about it only being four stitches, he is Jon Snow, he knows nothing”

 

Gwen laughed as Will punched him in the arm

 

“I’ll give you Jon bloody Snow”

 

“Is there a problem here, gentlemen?” Gwaine said, sauntering over.

 

“No problem, Gwaine” Merlin said, rolling his eyes.

 

“Really, because it looks to me that you’re harassing our good friend Gwen here” Percival said, stepping into Merlin’s personal space. Really, how many sixteen year olds were this big?! He had to be on some sort of steroids.

 

“We’re not harassing anyone, if anything, you’re harassing us”

 

“Oh we’re harassing you?” Gwaine said incredulously.

 

“Yes! Haven’t you got year sevens to be bullying?”

 

“Right, now you’re asking for it” Percival looked like he was about to punch Merlin, and oh god this is where his life ended, on the football field being punched by meat head.

 

“What’s going on, boys?” Arthur said, marching over with Lance, who wound a protective arm around Gwen’s shoulders.

 

“Oh come on!” Will huffed.

 

“I walked into Merlin” Gwen said quietly. “He was just helping me up”

 

“Looked like he was harassing her” Gwaine narrowed his eyes at Merlin, who stuck his fingers up to him.

 

“Fuck you I was helping her, anyway, I’m injured, How can I harass her, I’m on like, five different pain killers” Merlin argued.

 

“Pain killers don’t stop you from harassing people dumbass” Will snorted.

 

“Well, yeah” Merlin agreed, “But they give you enough trip to make you not want to harass anyone and, you know, sing kumbaya with a ukulele”

 

“I don’t know what feeling you mean”

 

“You need to experience this feeling my friend” Merlin patted his friend soundly on the back with his good hand.

 

“If you two have quite finished.” Arthur said with a quirk of his eyebrow.

 

“Hey, Pendragon, what happened to your eye? Get caught eyeing up Valiant in the changing room again?” Merlin smirked.

 

“Why don’t you ask your friend over there?”

 

“Will?” Merlin asked in disbelief

 

“I punched Pendragon in the eye” Will grinned proudly, puffing out his chest

 

“Why?”

 

“He was taking the piss out of you, no one takes the piss out of you when you’re not here to poorly defend yourself”

 

“That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me”

 

“Don’t get used to it”

 

“Boys, if we could get back to the subject of hand” Gwaine demanded

 

“I can’t remember what the subject on hand was” Merlin objected

 

“I think it was about you getting high of painkillers”

 

“No, it was about you two harassing poor Gwen” Lance snarled, Merlin and Will went wide eyed and took a step back.

 

“They weren’t harassing me” Gwen defied. “I walked into Merlin, he picked up my books and helped me up, then I asked how his hand was then you all came over here and started harassing him about harassing me, which he never did in the first place!”

 

“Exactly what she said” Merlin rejoiced

 

“Couldn’t have put it better myself” Will agreed

 

“Oh” Was all Gwaine could say. Arthur raised an eyebrow at him.

 

“Idiot” Arthur chuckled.

 

“Yeah, well Emrys was probably asking for it”

 

“Not this time, I’m afraid, just helping someone out, maybe you should try it sometime” Merlin waved and backed away with Will, who was making a rude hand gesture.

 

“Laters wankers”

 

“That was uncalled for” Gwen rounded on them. “Merlin was helping me out, for gods sake he hurt himself trying to help me”

 

“Sorry” They all muttered.

 

“I don’t know why you’re apologising to me!” She huffed as she marched over to where Merlin and Will were sitting.

 

“I’m sorry” She smiled, sitting gingerly on the grass

 

“Not your fault” Merlin shrugged. He was pale, she noticed, and his hands were shaking as he took a sip of water.

 

“You alright?” She asked with concern.

 

“Dude, you look like you’re about to spew”

 

“I’m fine” Merlin gasped. “Hand hurts a bit, it’ll pass”

 

“Are you sure?” Gwen asked sceptically.

 

“Pretty sure” He replied, searching through his bag to the painkillers the doctor gave him.

 

“Okay, well I just came to apologise, I’d best be going. You sure you’re alright?” Her pretty face was etched with genuine concern. Merlin nodded. As he watched her go, he wondered idly when they stopped being friends, when she started hanging around the dickheads.

 

“Don’t spew” Will warned him.

 

“I’m not going to spew” Merlin snorted.

 

“Pendragons staring” Will nodded over at Arthur and his groupies. Arthur was indeed staring over at them, well specifically him.

 

“Ew, why?”

“Probably thinks you’re going to spew”

 

Merlin hit him with his bag.

 

 

\------------------

 

 

 

Mordred’s parties were famous. His parents died in a horrible car crash, and left Mordred with everything, the big house, the money, and the cars. Mordred was in University now, according to Merlin, he was studying how to be a grade A dick.

 

He stood back and watched as everyone mingled. Pendragon came over and shook his hand.

 

“Long time no see” Mordred grinned. “Still taking it like a man?”

 

Arthur threw his head back and laughed. “Not many people can get away with saying that!”

 

“I can” Mordred smirked

 

“If you two are flirting, I’m leaving” A voice from behind then said. Merlin stood with a drink, looking between the two of them with mild concern.

 

“No one’s flirting” Mordred said, moving to fling an arm around his scrawny shoulders.

 

“Yeah whatever you say” Merlin snorted.

 

“So, Arthur, come here often, no, scrap that. Come often?” Mordred raised an eyebrow at Arthur.

 

“Okay, fuck you. I’m leaving, I’m going to find Will, he’s better company than you anyway” With that, Merlin walked back towards the house, Mordred laughed as he watched him go.

 

“I didn’t realise you were such good friends with Emrys” Arthur quipped.

 

“We have a lot in common” Mordred replied wearily.

 

“Like what?”

 

“Well, we’re both orphans, I just trying to help him through it. No one else seems to be helping him”

 

“That’s because he’s a twat. Anyway, he’s got Cenred, hasn’t he?”

 

Mordred snorted. “He’s a twat because no one gives a shit. And I don’t like Cenred, never have done. The quicker Merlin gets away from him the better”

 

“You really care about him?” Arthur questioned sceptically.

 

“Yeah, well, he reminds me of me”

 

“You know he’s not gay, right?” Arthur said slowly.

 

“Of course I know he’s not gay” Mordred laughed “I don’t fancy him; he just needs someone who actually gives a shit about him”

 

“If he wasn’t such a prick people might like him”

 

“Funny, he says the same thing about you”

 

 

\-----------------------

 

 

Mordred found Merlin sitting on the cream leather sofa, staring at a picture of a metallic horse eating a robot.

 

“Interesting picture, is it supposed to symbolise something? The way technology is ruining our lives?” Merlin said, not taking his eyes off the picture.

 

“Dunno” Mordred shrugged. “Just saw it and thought ‘cool, a horse eating a robot, that’ll go nice in the lounge”

 

Merlin snorted. “Good party”

 

“Always is, come with me” He led the way outside, past the swimming pool, and to game room, which was probably as bigger than Merlin’s room. Mordred took a key from his pocket and opened the lock. He ushered Merlin in, and locked the door behind him, pulling a packet of white powder out from his jeans pocket.

 

“Nice one” Merlin grinned as Mordred made two lines on the pool table and sniffed them expertly, and passed the packet to Merlin.

 

Merlin made a couple of shaky lines and sniffed, feeling the buzz going through him. He looked at Mordred and grinned lazily. “Thanks, needed that, I think”

 

“No problem” Mordred murmured, shuffling closer until he was just inches away from his face. His pale hands gripping his hips. Hot lips captured Merlin’s in a hard, lewd kiss. Merlin’s hands slipped easily up Mordreds top, caressing the smooth skin, burning him with desire. He backed Merlin up against the pool table. His jeans were tight against his painfully hard erection and shit it was so long since he’d done this. He rubbed his erection against Merlin’s, seeking out any friction he could get.

 

A voice in Merlin’s head was screaming at him, telling him that this was wrong. He wasn’t a fag, he didn’t kiss other blokes. But here he was, yet again getting himself off against Mordred up the pool table. His hand roamed downwards, expertly undoing the button and zipper on Mordreds jeans, stroking his rock hard erection. It’s not something he should be familiar with.

 

Somewhere along the way, they lost their shirts. Lying down on the pool table, they were grinding against each other, touching frantic and desperate.

 

Then, they were cleaning themselves up, collecting clothes off the floor and purposely ignoring the stains on the green felt.

 

“Sorry, sorry shit I’m sorry” Merlin muttered tirelessly, rubbing his bloodshot eyes.

 

“What are you sorry for?” Mordred asked slowly, taking Merlin’s face in his hands, forcing him to look.

 

“I don’t know, I just am, I’m just sorry.”

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for” Mordred whispered against his neck, kissing him soothingly.

 

“Nobody knows, you can’t tell anyone”

 

“I know, Merlin, God I know just shut up the doors locked and no one can hear us, just relax.”

 

“If Cenred finds out, he’ll kill me”

 

“I know that, Merlin!” Mordred exploded, throwing his hands to the air. “I know who he is, and I know exactly what he would do but I wouldn’t let that happen. Not to you. Not by him”

 

The music outside was pounding through the room, vibrating through Merlin’s bones and making his pulse jump.

 

“They’ll be wondering where you are” Merlin whispered, staring at the painted white door.

 

“We’ll go out in a minute”

 

“Have you got anymore?”

 

“You want another line”

 

Merlin laughed shakily. “Yeah...I do”

 

Mordred tossed the packet to him. “Sort yourself out, I’m going out, see you in a bit” He stared at him meaningfully, and Merlin refused to meet his eyes.

 

 

\--------------------------------

 

 

“You’re fucking high!” Will caught him by the elbow.

 

“Not fucking high, just high”

 

“shut up!” Will hissed, he felt like banging his head against a wall a few times. “What did you take?”

 

“Nothing of consequence” Merlin winked.

 

“You’re really high”

 

“High as a kite”

 

“Cenred’s going to kill you when he finds out”

 

“Cenred’s not going to find out, is he? Because you’re not going to be a dickhead” Merlin raised an eyebrow, right now, he really didn’t give a shit, he just wanted to dance.

 

“Whatever, Merlin, sort your shit out, I’m going to find Freya.” Will walked away, not wanting to be part of Merlin’s self-destruction, but that was fine right now, because Merlin could take care of himself.

 

“I hope you’re not planning on going home in that state” Mordred muttered, passing Merlin a beer.

 

“I have no plans to ever go home” Merlin slurred, grinning into his can. His eyes were blown wide with the high, and he couldn’t really keep still.

 

“You need to go somewhere, look, you can stay here until you’ve sobered up”

 

“I’m fine, I’ve got somewhere to go”

 

Mordred stared hard. “Promise me you won’t go home until you’ve sobered up, Cenred would kill you if you went home high”

 

“I won’t go home” Merlin promised.

 

“Good” Mordred sighed, patting his shoulder and moving on.

 

Merlin found himself at the gates to the cemetery, they were never locked. In small towns like this, there wasn’t much need to lock the gates, there was no vandalism, no gangs lurking about, and so locking the gates would just be an extra unnecessary job for some poor old soul.

 

Merlin pushed through the rickety old gates and walked the familiar path to his mother’s grave. The tomb stone was simple and elegant, which fitted Hunith exactly. He sat cross legged in the damp gravel, running his fingers across the ground

 

“You would be so not proud of me.” He muttered sadly at the grave. “I’m high as a kite, Mum. I’m off my face, and off my feet, clearly, and you’ve left me with your dick of a husband who would kill me if he found out I liked guys” He took a shaky breath, his eyes grazing over the newer gravestone. “I miss you, Mum. Why did you leave so soon?”

 

There was no response, there would never be a response, and the thought brought tears to Merlin’s eyes. He rubbed them harshly. “I miss you” He whispered.

 

 

\----------------------------

 

 

 

He watched them from across the hall, both sat with their backs against the wall and laughing, Will looked like he was singing between laughing, Merlin sung back between fits of giggles, Arthur desperately wanted to know what was so funny, what their in joke was. He felt a pang of jealousy, he never had a friendship like that, never had the in jokes or the bromance.

 

He got closer, subtly just to see what they were talking about.

 

“You would not make a good Taylor swift” Merlin was laughing, elbowing Will in the ribs.

 

“Shut up I’d make an awesome Taylor Swift, like I remember when we broke up, the first time – ”

 

“No stop my heart can’t take it”

 

“Saying this is it I’ve had enough”

 

“No, no just stop, maybe go back to that other one” Merlin faked looking thoughtful, stroking his imaginary beard.

 

“Oh!” Will clapped once “Take me into your loving arms, kiss me under the light of a thousand – ”

 

“Stop singing Ed Sheeran” Merlin was laughing again, throwing his head back.

 

“Who are you spying on?” Gwen whispered conspiratorially from behind him, making Arthur jump.

 

“No one” He snapped, turning to glare at her.

 

“You were pining” She grinned, fluttering her eyelashes.

 

“No I was not”

 

“Yes, you was, over Merlin. I’ve been watching you for a while now, you like him”

 

“No, I don’t, he’s got big ears and a stupid face”

 

“I’m not going to tell anyone, honestly. Merlin used to be my friend; he’s a good guy, under the tough guy facade.”

 

“Why aren’t you friends anymore?” He asked thoughtfully, hoping he didn’t offend her somehow.

 

She shrugged and looked away, tugging on the sleeves of her brown leather jacket.

 

“Hey” He touched her arm gently. “It’s okay; you don’t have to tell me, I was just curious. I didn’t mean to upset you”

 

“You didn’t upset me, it’s just, I should have been there for him more when his Mum died, she was lovely, the nicest person I’d ever met, and I watched it tear Merlin apart when she got Cancer, and now, watching his self destruction, he wasn’t always like this, I wish I could have helped him more, but I was with Lance all the time” She blushed, guilt taking over her expression. “I guess I just got caught up in my own thing”

 

“It’s okay, Gwen, it’s not your fault”

 

Before he could say anything, Percy, Lance and Gwaine rounded the corner, shoving each other and laughing.

 

 

\-------------------

 

 

Sometimes, he just wanted to be alone, it was no big deal, nothing to make a fuss about, he just wanted to do the reading on Shakespeare before his next class in peace, but, in Camelot, that was impossible. First, Lance and Gwen came to sit with him, being ridiculously in love before he politely asked them to move on.

 

Next, it was Percy and Gwaine, punching each other in the arm and checking out girls before he – not so politely – told them to shove off.

 

Leon smiled and waved at him as he approached the bench, but Arthurs glare alone told him that this was not a place he wanted to sit. So, finally in peace, he sat reading the end of The Tempest. He hadn’t enjoyed it as much as Hamlet, but it was good none the less.

 

A shadow obstructed his view, several shadows, actually. Valiant and his cronies were stood in front of him, an identical smug look on their faces.

 

“Look boys, the gay boy’s reading Shakespeare, how romantic” Valiant reached forward to snatch the book, but Arthur was quicker, tugging his arm out of reach.

 

“Piss of, Valiant” He muttered, standing up. He was tall, but not as tall as Valiant, the only match for him was Percy, and he was long gone. Great. Valiant’s meaty fist collided with his stomach, flooring him. He groaned, clutching his stomach and squeezing his eyes shut, waiting for the next punch, or kick...but it never came.

 

“Ow, ow! You little shits what are you doing...stop!” Valiant was shouting at someone, Arthur slowly opened his eyes to see Valiant and the cronies flinching back from pebbles being flung at them. Thank god! He gingerly sat up, looking to see who was stupid enough to be throwing things at him.

 

“I’ve had enough of you two throwing things at me!” Valiant was going red, trying to go forwards, but flinching back from the pebbles being thrown at his face. Merlin and Will stood a few metres away, with a crisp packet full of pebbles, flinging them one at a time at Valiant, who now stood alone.

 

“I swear to god – ” He growled

 

“Oooooh, he swears to God!” Will crooned.

 

“Oooooh what’s God going to, strike me down?” Merlin smirked, throwing another stone.

 

“What are you even doing?”

 

“Distracting you” Will said bluntly.

 

“From what?!” Valiant tried to move back, but a pebble smacked him on the head.

 

“The bigger rocks we’re going to throw at you later” Merlin raised his eyebrows

 

“Why are you throwing things at me again?” Valiant demanded, his cronies had disappeared now the bloody wimps.

 

“You called me fat!”

 

“You said I couldn’t sing”

 

“You copied my test answers the other day”

 

“You can’t dance”

 

“You stole my blue tac in science”

 

The obscure answers flew from Will and Merlin like a well rehearsed speech, but Arthur guessed that none of this was true.

 

“I’ve never done any of this” Valiant shouted, knocking the bags out their hands.

 

“Well someone’s got to be blamed, and you did call me fat” Will pointed at him, narrowing his eyes.

 

“Fuck off” He muttered, pushing his was through them, and Arthur was amazed, he’d never known Valiant to be defeated before, let alone by someone like Merlin and Will.

 

“Oh, and Valiant” Merlin called, Valiant spun around, glaring at the smaller boy. “Where have your fuck buddies gone?”

 

Valiant threw back his fist and landed it square on Merlin’s mouth.

 

“Fucking your mom, oh, that’s right, you don’t have one” Valiant smirked before sauntering away.

 

“Wounded” Merlin muttered, clutching his bleeding mouth.

 

“Shit, dude you okay?” Will poked his mouth, and Merlin flinched back.

 

“How is that helping?”

 

“I don’t know, I just wanted to see if it hurt!”

 

“Well it does” Merlin turned away to face Arthur.

 

“Are you okay?” Arthur let out the breath he didn’t realise he was holding.

 

“Yeah I’m good” Merlin smirked as much as he could around the cut lip.

 

“Why the hell did you do that?” Arthur demanded angrily, batting Merlin’s hand away and examining his mouth for himself.

 

“I’m not scared of Val” Merlin scoffed. “His dad’s friends with Cenred, we spend more time together than I’d like”

 

“No, I mean why did you help me?” Arthur stared hard at Merlin, his bluer than blue eyes and pale, flawless skin and the high cheekbones.

 

“You didn’t stand a chance, Will and I on the other hand, did...Where the hell has Will gone?” Merlin whipped his head round, but Will had legged it, done one. Probably saw a squirrel or something.

 

Arthur shrugged and took a step back. “You should probably get some ice for that lip, it’s going to swell. I don’t think Cenred would react very well to too many injuries in one term”

 

“Cenred doesn’t give a shit” Merlin scoffed, scooping up his bag. “Laters”

 

“Yeah...bye” Arthur rubbed his stomach, probably another bruise to add to the collection, but the butterflies attacking his stomach was leaving the worst mark.

 

 

\-----------------------

 

 

Cenred sat in his usual place. In the armchair closest to the TV. Merlin sat on the sofa, next to Valiant and his Dad, John. Steve and Paul sat on folding deck chairs, drinking cheap beer watching the Arsenal match.

 

“My money’s on Man U” Val scoffed, eyeing up his dads beer.

 

“No way! They’re a man down, their heads not in it. Tenner of Arsenal” Merlin shot back. Neither of them mentioned Merlin throwing rocks on Thursday, or Valiant throwing a punch. Cenred had just shrugged off his split lip. Merlin lunged for Cenred’s beer, which he scooped out the way before Merlin could even get close.

 

“Cheeky bugger!” Cenred laughed, Merlin shrugged.

 

“I’ll get it eventually old man”

 

Stephen and Paul howled. “God, Cenred. Back in the day you’d have beat someone up for saying that”

 

“He tried, but his back hurt so he had to sit down for a bit” Merlin smirked as everyone laughed at Cenred’s expense.

 

Cenred snorted. “He’s too much like his mother for his own good”

 

“You’re just soft” Merlin argued, grabbing his beer and taking a sip.

 

“You little shit” Cenred jumped, knocking the remote onto the floor. The TV flicked over, instead of football, there was a man mincing around in heels and a dress, his make up too dramatic, singing showtunes. Merlin’s stomach dropped.

 

“Dirty queer” Stephen sneered.

 

“Can’t believe they’re showing this crap on television”

 

“I used to beat fags like that up back in my day” Cenred scorned.

 

“Still would” John snorted.

 

“Need shooting, the lot of them” Cenred switched the channel back to football, and the usual banter continued, But Merlin felt sick.

 

 

\-----------------------------------

 

 

Everyone sat in a loose circle in Mordred’s lounge, playing never have I ever. Gwaine grinned and held his drink in the air.

 

“Never have I gone skinny dipping”

 

Merlin snorted, and his drink stayed firmly in his lap. Mordred, however smirked and took a sip, winking at Merlin.

 

“Twat” He muttered under his breath. If wasn’t Mordred’s usual party, it was chilled and relaxed, everyone sipping beer instead of vodka. There weren’t nearly half as many people here. Unfortunately, though, Arthur and his disciples were here, along with some of Mordred’s uni buddies.

 

“Never Have I kissed a dude” Percy muttered, looking carefully around the circle.

 

“This is my time to shine ladies!” Alex – one of Mordred’s ridiculously camp friends from the LGBT society sung out, taking a long, deep drink. Mordred snorted and sipped his beer. Merlin flicked the top of his own can and leant back with a smirk.

 

“Liar” Mordred hissed playfully

 

“Twat face” Merlin sung back under his breath. Around the circle, most or Mordred’s friends took a drink, as well as Arthur and Gwaine.

 

The party dissolved to the sofas then, everyone sitting talking, music softer than it usually would be, when Alex, Gallahad and Kay – Mordred’s friends – Grabbed Arthur by the arms and dragged him roughly towards the stairs.

 

“What are you doing?” Arthur spat, thrashing to get out of their arms.

 

“Playing lock the queer in the closet” Alex tinkled pushing him up the stairs. There was a white closet at the end of the hall, which Kay ceremoniously threw open the doors, and Arthur was thrown inside.

 

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. He hated small spaces, and being locked in the closet – literally and figuratively – was his idea of hell. It was pitch black, only a tiny sliver of light coming from the cracks the door made. He knew his eyes would adjust soon enough, but it set him on edge anyway.

 

It was a few minutes until he heard voices again. Before he could shout for help, he recognised the voices all too well.

 

“ – playing lock the queer in the closet!”

 

“But I’m not gay!”

 

“Oh honey that’s a phase! You haven’t met the right guy is all”

 

“Seriously not gay, Alex!”

 

“Whatever you say my little cherub, off to the closet with you!”

 

“I’m not going in your stupid queer closet”

 

“Yes you are” Another, deeper voice said.

 

“We’ll get you out eventually, you can think of it as a coming out party”

 

“Jesus! Seriously, Alex!”

 

The door flew open, and before Arthur could make his great escape, Merlin was flung towards Arthur, landing roughly on the floor. The door was slammed shut and locked, and once again, Arthur was in darkness.

 

“I’m going to fucking kill you” Merlin shouted, rattling the handle. It was useless.

 

“They’ll get us eventually” Arthur whispered, closing his eyes.

 

“I know that, dickhead!” Merlin snapped, banging on the door. He gave up after a couple of minutes, no one was coming yet. He turned around and leaned heavily, staring at Arthur. Their eyes had adjusted now, allowing them to see again. “You alright? you look a little sick, even in the dark”

 

Arthur shook his head, trying to control his breathing. His chest was tightening, he needed to get out, now.

 

“Oh shit, don’t tell me you’re claustrophobic?”

 

Arthur nodded “Big word for you, isn’t it?” He tried to joke, but it fell flat.

 

“I know a lot of big words” Merlin smiled gently, dropping to his knees in front Arthur. He put a hand hesitantly on his knee, trying to sooth him. “But I don’t know how to deal with a panic attack. Talk to me, just keep talking”

 

“About what?” Arthur panted, squeezing his eyes shut. The world was tilting around him.

 

“Anything, what uni are you going to?”

 

“Plymouth”

 

“Me too!” Merlin smiled brightly. For a moment, Arthur was taken aback. That smile had never been directed him, even in the dark, it was blinding. “What are you doing there?”

 

“Architecture”

 

“Interesting choice, I thought you’d have been leaning towards you know, more business, law or something, someone smart as you”

 

“You think I’m smart?”

 

“Insecurity doesn’t look good on you” Merlin smirked.

 

“Oh I know I’m smart, I just didn’t think you’d noticed”

 

“I didn’t, but you’re all everyone talks about”

 

Arthur rolled his eyes, for a minute, he’d been distracted. Merlin had actually thought about him, what he’d do in university, the thought was…heartening. But, his breath seized again, as he looked past Merlin. The room was closing in on him, the walls creeping towards them and in a minutes, they’d mince. His chest was tightening, sweat beaded on his lip and his breath came in short, sharp bursts.

 

Then, soft lips were pressed against his. Soothing hands cupped his sweating face, thumbs gently stroking his cheeks. Arthur froze. Merlin was kissing him. _Merlin_ was kissing _him._ His hands shook as he pulled Merlin in closer. Of all his wildest dreams, Merlin had never kissed him. He kissed back with timid enthusiasm, he didn’t want Merlin to realise the mistake he’d made and punch him. He didn’t want him to stop kissing him, ever. It dawned on him, when Merlin pulled his lips away and rests his forehead against Arthurs, that Merlin seemed completely natural at kissing him – another bloke.

 

“Merlin” Arthur whispered raggedly, his breath dancing over Merlin’s hot face.

 

“Shh, it’s okay” Merlin soothed, pressing another kiss against the corner of his mouth. He sat back on his knees then, giving Arthur more space. But space wasn’t what he needed.

 

He stared back at Merlin, his lips swollen and bruised from kissing, he could almost see his blush in the dim light. His panic attack forgotten, he bit his lip in frustration. Merlin had kissed him. Merlin, who was straight. Merlin who had pushed him into a wall and called him a dirty fag.

 

The door flew open, and Mordred stood there, looking nonplussed. “Queer in the closet?”

 

“Too fucking right” Arthur muttered, standing up and pushed past Merlin, making a bee line to the garden. He needed air.

 

Mordred raised an eyebrow at Merlin. “Enjoy yourself?”

 

“Fuck off” Merlin scoffed, shakily standing up. “Do us all a favour, get your closets filled in, I doubt you’ll need to get back in them anytime soon”

 

“Whatever you say” Mordred laughed, sauntering off down the stairs. Gwaine passed him, looking haggard and nervous. He stamped into one of the unlocked bedrooms, slamming the door behind him. On the floor by said door, was a little, recognisable pouch.

 

 

\-----------------------

 

 

Gwaine was buzzing.

 

Actually, no. he wasn’t buzzing, but he will be. The little pouch in his pocket was burning a hole, screaming _sniff me! sniff me!_ He found an empty room, unlocked as always. The great things about Mordred’s parties; he just didn’t give a shit. 6 rooms were left unlocked, a free for all. The only rooms left locked were his parents’ room and his own room. He shut the door behind him, and breathed a sigh of relief.

 

He fished in his pocket for the pouch and…strange, it wasn’t there. He checked his other pocket, no. His back pocket…no. no no no no no! It wasn’t there. His hands shook and his teeth chattered. He needed this, fucking needed it!

 

“Shit!” He shouted, tugging at his hair. He turned sharply, and stopped.

 

Merlin was leaning against the door frame, ankles crossed casually, smirking, eyes blown wide in a high that Gwaine recognised all too well. He held a small, clear pouch, half filled with white powder, between his two fingers.

 

“Looking for something?” His accent was heavier when he was high, and Gwaine snarled.

 

“Give me that” He jumped forwards, reaching out to snatch the bag back.

 

Merlin pulled his hand back, taking the packet out of reach. “Not so fast big man, I believe this is mine”

 

“Like fuck is it, I paid for it” He balled his hands into fists, resisting the temptation to smack the smug bastard in the face.

 

“Where did you get it?”

 

“None of your business, give it here”

 

“Finders keepers” Merlin mocked in a sing song voice.

 

Gwaine lunged forwards, grabbing Merlin by his collar, spinning him and slamming him against the

wall. Merlin’s head bounced with a sickening _thud_.

 

“Get off me” Merlin shouted, crushing the bag in his hand as he made a fist.

 

“Give. Me. The. Coke.” He emphasised each word precisely, his angry words spitting in Merlin’s face.

 

“I want to know where you got it” He hissed back. Trying push him off. But his efforts were in vain, Gwaine was stronger than he was.

 

“I’ll fucking kill you, give it back!”

 

“Get off me you good for nothing low life piece of shit”

 

“Listen here orphan – ”

 

“Get off him” Mordred interrupted with a shout, slamming the door behind him. “What the fuck is going on?”

 

Gwaine stepped back, harshly releasing Merlin’s shirt. Merlin tossed the bag at him with an ill disguised look of disgust.

 

“He is a dirty thief” Gwaine’s voice shook with anger. Merlin snorted.

 

“Am not! Maybe you shouldn’t leave your _stuff_ lying around”

 

“I don’t care. You’re not doing this in my house” Mordred looked between the two sternly. Gwaine snarled, and stalked out the room. Merlin sighed heavily. “What the fuck are you doing?” Mordred glared at Merlin, softly pushing him against the door, crowding him in a different way to Gwaine. Merlin raised an eyebrow.

 

“Teaching him a lesson!” Mordreds hands were on his hips, making his breath stutter and his heart pound. “Shit, Mordred” one hand was moving up to cup the back of his neck, the other hand slipped into the back pocket of his jeans.

 

“What, that you’re a dick?” He pressed closer, teasing Merlin.

 

“Maybe you should get your eyes tested” Merlin quipped back. “It’s not my fault if Sir Gwaine leaves his stuff lying around, I’m sure daddy would love to hear of it”

 

Mordred gave him a long, hard stare. “Stop rubbing people he wrong way, you’re not doing yourself any favours”

 

“I don’t need to do myself any favours, one more year and I’ll be done, I’ve got a conditional place at Plymouth, why do I care what people think of me?”

 

“Because it’s a conditional place, Merlin!” Mordred wanted to shake him, to yell at the top of his lungs until it sunk in that he needed that place. “For fucks sake what are you going to do if you can’t get it because you’re being a little shit? How much longer do you think you can keep hiding?”

 

“I’m not hiding!”  
  
“Yes, you are! And for good reasons, what do you think Cenred would do if he found out? Do you think he’d take it in his stride?”

 

Merlin looked away, knowing too well what he’d do.

 

“Answer me! He’d fucking kill you”

 

“Okay! You think I don’t know? I live with him! I hear it every day, I hear him talk about it every fucking day!” Merlin snapped, eyes filling with unwanted tears. He tried to turn away, but Mordred was in his space.

 

“Listen to me, Merlin. You’re fucking clever, okay? Clever enough not to get yourself killed by Cenred. Just don’t do anything stupid that will get your place in Plymouth discarded.”

 

Merlin smirked. “Yes Sir”

 

“Cheeky bastard” Mordred smiled, kissing him firmly.

 

From the doorway, Gwaine went unnoticed as he finally slunk away.

 

 

\----------------------------

 

It was painfully quiet around the dinner table. Uther was rarely home in time to actually sit and eat a meal with Arthur and Morgana. And even if he was home, he usually took his food to his study. His job was demanding, and he threw himself into in every aspect. Arthur suspected that he didn’t actually know how to be a proper father, so he worked instead, leaving the countless nannies to look after Morgana and himself.

 

“Good day at work” Morgana enquired innocently, scooping up some mashed potato and subtly feeding it to the dog.

 

“Slow” Uther grunted, pushing his food around his place.

 

“But that’s a good thing, right?” Arthur asked. “That means there’s no crime”

 

Uther sighed. “There hasn’t been any proper crime here since the nineties”

 

“What was that?” Morgana asked curiously, not even trying to hide the fact she was giving the dog a whole chicken leg.

 

“Stop feeding Cafall your food, Morgana. I know what you’re up to. You can’t order Chinese when you think I’m asleep and poorly hide the evidence the next day” Uther scorned, Morgana just smirked.

 

“My plan’s been foiled! But really, what happened in the nineties?”

 

“It was the early nineties, I’d say. Just a gang of kids causing trouble all the time. Set a couple of shops on fire, a few muggings, a lot of homophobic attacks. Thank god we got it under control” Uther said fervently.

 

“Who was it? Anyone still in the town?”

 

“Most of them got arrested or moved away, a few still live here. In fact, a couple of them have kids in Arthurs year…Valiant Drakes Father is one of them, and I believe Merlin Emrys got adopted by Cenred Mercia a few years ago, how the hell he ever got custody of that kid with his criminal record I’ll never know”

 

Arthur blanched. “Cenred was part of the homophobic beatings?”

 

“Oh yes. Led them, I believe. Never went down for any of it, though. The justice system is failing in so many ways.”

 

Arthur phased out his father’s justice system speech. If he’d heard it once, he’d heard it a million times. Merlin’s father was a homophobe. Suddenly, things made a bit more sense.

 

 

\----------------------

 

 

_From: Unknown Number._

_We need to talk._

Merlin frowned at his phone. The words _We need to talk_ were never usually good ones, but in this case, they were just baffling.

 

**_Who is this?_ **

_From: Unknown Number._

_Arthur, I got your number from Gwen, hope you don’t mind._

Of course, Merlin sighed, this was just what he wanted at 9:45 at night.

 

**_Okay, talk._ **

 

_From: Prat face McClotpole_

_Not by text dimwit, in person._

**_Where?_ **

****

_From: Prat face McClotpole_

_Meet at the bridge over the stream in 30 mins??_

**_Fine._ **

****

With a huff, Merlin changed out of his warm, comfortable pyjamas and stared impassively at his wardrobe. He wasn’t overthinking it, but what the hell did you wear to meet the guy that you kind of sort of had a crush on for the past year and a half and kissed in a closet because he had a panic attack. He didn’t want to look like he was making an effort, but he didn’t want to look like a slob.

 

Nope, not overthinking it at all. So, he threw on a hoodie and a pair of skinny jeans – because this was so not a date, and quietly slipped out the window.

 

Arthur was waiting impatiently on the little humpback bridge, hands deep in his jeans pockets, head dipped low. Merlin paused for a minute, just watching him, the moonlight making his blond hair look white, his tanned skin glowing.

 

“Hi” Merlin murmured gently, Arthur practically jumped out of his skin.

 

“Hi” He replied sheepishly, pulling his hands out his pockets and running them through his hair. “I didn’t think you were going to come”

 

“I had to sneak out the window, takes longer than you think”

 

Arthur chuckled. “I can imagine. I didn’t know if you’d want to see me”

 

“I – I didn’t know if I did” Merlin confessed.

“Oh” Arthur’s heart sank

 

“It’s not like that it’s – I’m just – god I’m shit at this. I like you, okay, I shouldn’t, but I do”

 

Arthur reached forward to take Merlin’s hand, be he staggered out of reach. “No, not here. We need to go somewhere we won’t be seen”

 

“Okay” Arthur nodded, leading the way.

 

They ended up at an old falling apart gazebo at the edge of the park. Naturally, no one was around, so Arthur took Merlin’s hand and pulled him into the shelter and pushed their foreheads together. His hands ached to touch him all over, to pull him close and let his lips take control. But he had to remind himself to take baby steps. So, he twined their fingers together and let his eyes flutter closed and basked in Merlin’s presence.

 

“Why did you kiss me? Just because I was panicking?”

 

“No, God I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long. I hated you but I wanted to kiss you so bad”

 

“I wanted to kiss you too. I still do, all the damn time”

 

“You can’t!” Merlin quickly panicked. “Cenred, he’s – ”

 

“I know, Merlin, God I know. My dad told me. He used to cause trouble and – ”

 

“He was bragging, the other night with his friends about how he used to beat gays up. That could be me, or you! I don’t doubt for a second that he wouldn’t do it again.”

 

“They can’t, they won’t. Merlin listen to me. I understand, okay? And if this is what you want, I’m not going anywhere. We can keep it a secret, I don’t care”

 

“That’s not fair on you, none of this is. I can’t just drag you into this whirlwind, that’s shit”

 

Arthur took Merlin’s devastated face in his hands. “I don’t care. I want to be with you. You’re all I’ve thought about since Friday, I can’t concentrate on anything but the thoughts of your lips on mine” He closed the gap between them, capturing Merlin’s soft lips with his own.

 

Merlin shuddered and carefully wrapped his arms around Arthur’s waist. He was broad, and warm and he felt safe, it felt right. He should be doing this, always. When Arthur eventually released his lips, he trembled a breath against his cheek, slipping his hands down to the back of neck.

 

“Smile, I’d slay a dragon just to see you smile.”

 

Merlin gasped out a laugh. “You know, for the past 2 years, every time I kissed another guy, I just felt so wrong. But with you, everything felt right.”

 

“It is right” Arthur sunk down to the cold floor, leaning against shabby wall. Merlin hesitantly sat next to him, resting his head on Arthur’s broad shoulder.

 

“I know” Merlin whispered tentatively, “I just wish it wasn’t”

 

 

_____________________________

 

 

Arthur caught Lance by the elbow as he was running. He swung around and came to an abrupt stop, staring at Arthur wide eyed and out of breath. It would have been comical if Arthur weren’t so concerned.

 

“What’s going on?” Arthur demanded.

 

“Merlin and Gwaine” Lance panted, shoving his elbow out of Arthurs grasp. “Gwaine’s going to find Merlin, it’s not going to be pretty.” He carried on running, and Arthur followed after.

 

“Shit” Arthur muttered, coming to an abrupt halt as he saw Gwaine sauntering towards Merlin, whose back was turned, talking to Will and Gwen.

 

“Emrys!” Gwaine shouted, and Merlin turned slowly, smirking when he saw Gwaine.

 

“Can I help you?” Merlin asked, overly innocent. Gwaine squared up to him, faces just inches apart. Gwaine was hissing something he couldn’t quite hear. But knowing Gwaine, which unfortunately he did, it wasn’t pretty. Merlin’s features clouded with anger.

 

There was a crowd gathering now, Arthur was just about to step forward to break it up before they went too far, when Merlin pushed Gwaine, full strength away. Gwaine managed to stop himself from falling, only just though. He recovered quickly, and landed a punch on Merlin’s mouth.

 

Merlin cried out and clutched his bloody mouth. He wasted no time retaliating and hitting Gwaine on the eye, and again on his stomach, and again on his nose until he was on the floor.

 

“Say that again Sir Gwaine” Merlin smirked through the mess that was his lips. Arthur tried to push through some year 9’s, but they were relentless, determined on getting the best view.

 

“Out my way” Arthur hissed, pushing them out the way. Gwaine had recovered now, and grabbed merlin by his shirt and pushed him against the wall, shaking him a little.

 

“You heard me the first time orphan” Merlin went in for a kick, but it didn’t do much good when Gwaine head butted him in the nose.

 

“That’s enough” Arthur yelled, dragging Gwaine off Merlin, and standing between the two, just as Gaius hurried over with Professor Monmouth.

 

“What on earth is going on?” Gaius demanded. He looked between the three, Merlin and Gwaine’s battered faces and Arthur keeping them apart. “Away, all of you” The crowd quickly disappeared. “You two, with me” He gestured towards Gwaine and Merlin, marching the, towards the nurses office. “Professor Monmouth, get Elena to call their parents to get here, now”

 

Gwaine and Merlin followed on, round the corner and out of sight. Arthur stared at the blood on the floor, drops from Merlin’s mouth and Gwaine’s nose.

 

“Are you okay?” Gwen gasped, rushing to his side, quickly followed by Lance and Percy.

 

“Yeah, I’m fine” Honestly, he was a little dumbstruck by what had just happened. He’d never seen Merlin react like that, to anything. He leaned against the wall, breathing deeply. “What was all that about?”

 

Everyone shrugged. “Dunno” Percy said, “But he got real angry Saturday night and now he just goes out to Merlin looking for a fight”

 

“Well” Arthur pushed himself off the wall. “I’m going to snoop” With that, he took off towards the nurses office.

 

Holding his breath, he listened carefully through the crack in the door.

 

“ – on earth is going on with you two, you used to be best friends! What happened there?”

 

Silence on Merlin and Gwaine’s part.

 

“Your parents are on their way, I want them there when you’re explaining this.”

 

“That’ll be pretty hard since Merlin doesn’t have any parents” Arthur could almost hear the smirk in Gwaine’s voice.

 

“Mr Greene that is quite enough!” Gaius had never sounded so angry before. Arthur cringed.

 

“Fuck you” Merlin spat out.

 

Arthur snapped back as he heard footsteps rising down the corridor. He looked over to see Gwaines parents rushing towards the office, his mother in her ususal grey business suit, his father still in his police uniform. They didn’t take any notice of Arthur as he bustled into the office.

 

“What happened, Gwaine?” His father’s tone was strong, disapproving.

 

“It was him!” Gwaine practically shouted.

 

“I don’t want to hear blame, I want to hear what happened.” His father warned. Arthur sneaked a glance through the gap in the door, Merlin and Gwaine were both cleaned up now, Gwaine holding an ice pack to his eye, and Merlin to his lip. They sat on opposite sides of the room, glaring at each other.

 

Cenred stamped around the corner, and Arthur scurried out of his view, but Cenred didn’t notice him, he was more occupied on getting into the office. Sneaking back, he winced at the shouting.

 

“What has gotten into you boy? This is the second time I’ve had to come here because you’re throwing tantrums – ”

 

“Shut up! You don’t know anything!” Merlin hit back.

 

“Obviously not! Care to explain?”

 

“Why don’t we relocate to my office for this conversation?” Gaius intervened smoothly.

 

Arthur scrambled back to his locker, knowing full well they’d have to walk past to get the Gaius’ office.

 

Gaius led the way, looking nervous and flustered in his wool blazer. Gwaine came next, his father red faced in anger, and his mother biting her lip anxiously. Cenred held Merlin’s shoulder tightly, pushing him forwards. Merlin caught his eye as they walked past, and smirked through his beaten up lips.

 

The curiosity was eating away at Arthur, but all he could do now is wait.

 

__________________

 

 

The next day, Gwaine was quiet, it was unsettling to say the least. He had a black eye bruised nose, and battered knuckles. What was stranger, though, was halfway through lunch, he got up and left, going to sit next to Merlin, who was sitting alone on the grass. Arthur watched them warily as they spoke, he was too far away to hear what they were saying, but the conversation looked grim.

 

“What do you think they’re talking about?” Lance stared at them as intently as Arthur did.

 

“Dunno, but I’d kill to be a fly on the wall there”

 

“Yep” Lance agreed, tapping his fingers on the wooden bench.

 

On the grass, Merlin was nodded sadly, his shoulders drooping. Gwaine patted his solemnly on the back.

 

__________________

 

Merlin sat on the edge of the grass, Will and Freya had left him to his thoughts a while ago. He’d argued with Cenred horrendously the night before, he couldn’t catch a break with him. But now, he was more scared of him than ever. The _‘long term spat’_ thing wasn’t going down well, but he couldn’t tell him that he was fighting because he stole Gwaine’s drugs and got caught kissing another bloke, he’d murder him. He shuddered and squeezed is fingers tightly, the pain grounding his thoughts. He desperately tried to believe that Cenred would not hurt him. But there was always that sinking feeling that he would – Physically or emotionally.

 

Gwaine had – luckily – realised Merlin’s fear of Cenred swiftly and took the blame, and thankfully didn’t ask any questions. That still didn’t stop Cenred asking questions, though, and Merlin wasn’t as hot as he’d once been with lying. He’d just about made up some bullshit story about a feud over a girl. Cenred didn’t ask which girl – thank god, because that’s where Merlin’s bullshit ran out.

 

Gwaine sat down loudly next to him, cracked his knuckles, and patted him roughly on the back. “I thought I had it tough, my dad’s nothing compared to yours”

 

Merlin shrugged nonchalantly. “He’s a bit rough around the edges. He’s alright.”

 

“Really, because that looked rough to the centre”

 

“Yeah, well. I dunno, he’s the only dad I’ve got”

 

“Merlin, he’s a damn homophobe, and you’re…not…”

 

“Straight?” Merlin finished for him, staring miserably at the ground. “Yeah, I know. It _was_ my best kept secret. Thanks, for now outing me, by the way.”

 

“If I’d have realised who your dad was, I think I’d have taken the…erm…news a bit quieter” Gwaine blushed, Cenred had a reputation, so his father had informed him on the drive home. He shuddered, he wasn’t exactly best pals with Merlin, but they had been before, before hormones and sport teams and being seen with who was ‘cool’, he never wanted anything bad to happen to Merlin, not to the extent his father had described to him. Cenred had been known for homophobic attacks, the victims had always been too scared to identify him, but the police knew.

 

“Yeah whatever” Merlin grumbled “I don’t think anyone heard”

 

“I was quiet…when I said it…Look I’m really sorry” Gwaine paled, but Merlin didn’t reply, he just stood up and sauntered away.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Arthur’s sleep was abruptly interrupted by an annoying ringing sound. Not his alarm, it was much too early for that, his phone was ringing, why the hell was his phone ringing before the sun was awake?

 

Bleary eyed, he fumbled at the bedside table, Merlin’s name popped up on his phone screen. What the hell was Merlin phoning him at this ungodly hour for? He was about to find out.

 

“Merlin what the hell do you think you’re doing phoning me at this ungodly, ridiculous and quite frankly – ”

 

“Good morning to you too, sunshine” Merlin interrupted, Arthur could almost hear him grinning; he could eat shit.

 

“What the fuck do you want, Merlin?”

 

“Wow, totally not a morning person. Noted. What are your plans for today?”

 

“Is today even a day? It’s the middle of the night”

 

“Stop being dramatic it is 6:30am”

 

“Err well the sun doesn’t seem to think so” Arthur was awake now, he sat up, his phone charger pulling for his phone. He wiped the sleep out of his eyes.

 

“News flash, princess, the suns not coming out all weekend, you are though. Get dressed, I’ve got something planned”

 

“I don’t know if I want to be seen with you in, you know, public.” Arthur’s stomach clenched, could he make jokes like that with Merlin? But Merlin just laughed.

 

“Get dressed prat, meet me in 30 minutes by the bridge” the phone call clicked off, and all Arthur could do was stare blankly at his mobiles black screen. He figured he’d best go get dressed.

 

He dressed in a hurry, having no idea what the plans for the day were, he stuck to jeans and a hoody. Despite it being nearly June, the clouds were thick and dark, the sun didn’t have a chance of making an appearance. He hastily wrote a note to his father, and slid out.

 

Merlin was standing leaning against the walk of the humpback bridge, dressed similarly, he had the same idea as him. He didn’t look up as Arthur approached, he stared out into the gently flowing stream beneath them.

 

“Do you know why this bridge was built?” His voice low, steady and calm, a tone Arthur had never heard before, his stomach fluttered with butterflies.

 

“So people could cross the stream?” Arthur deadpanned, Merlin just smiled to himself.

 

“Before there were roads or cars, Camelot and Mercia were separate, divided by this stream. A girl from Camelot used to come and pick flowers from the by the stream, every day at the same time. At the same time, every day, a boy from Mercia would come and collect water from the stream.  Every day the spoke, and every day they fell more in love, but with no way to cross the river, they could never truly be together. So over the months, they collected stones and rocks, anything they could find and made a bridge so they could finally be together”

 

Arthur was taken aback. “That’s so sweet”

 

“They say that the girl fell in and died, and the boy was so heartbroken that he jumped in after her and drown too. Now every morning at exactly 7:04, they say you can hear their screams as the fell in the water.”

 

“What?” Arthur blinked. Shocked at the dark twist. He checked his phone, 7:04.

 

“I’m totally joking, but the look on your face was priceless” Merlin patted his back, letting his hand linger there for a moment longer.

 

“You got me out of bed at a ridiculous time, on a Saturday so you could make up a story to try and scare me?”

 

“I didn’t make it up!” Merlin defended, “okay the bit about them dying didn’t happen, they got married and had lots of babies, but that’s boring”

 

“You got me out of bed to change the ending of a story because you didn’t like it?”

 

“That’s not why I got you out of bed. I have a plan for the day” Merlin reached out his hand, Arthur gingerly laced his fingers through Merlin’s, his heart jumping.

 

“And what exactly is that plan?” They were heading towards Mercia, the neighbouring village.

 

“It’s a surprise” Merlin smiled, momentarily dazzling Arthur. Distracting him from the fact that he did not like surprises. But he kept quiet, silently curious.

 

After walking for what seemed like forever, they eventually came to a small, seemingly abandoned train station. “This is your surprise?” Arthur quirked his eyebrow “an abandoned trained station?”

 

“It’s not abandoned” Merlin said slowly, as if Arthur was simple, “it’s very much in use, in fact, there’s a train coming in 5 minutes”

 

Arthur looked around, the train stations he’d seen on the television had been grand glass buildings with shops and a constant stream of people bustling through with their morning coffee in a cardboard cup. This, on the other hand wasn’t even a building. It was a small concrete hut, with a row on worn wooden benches that looked like they’d leave a splinter in your arse if you sat down too quickly. “I’ve never been on a train before” Arthur confessed quietly, “I’ve never even been out of Camelot before”.

 

“You’ve never been out of Camelot?” Merlin marvelled, shyly searching his face.

 

“I mean, I’ve crossed to the neighbouring villages, but nowhere interesting.” Merlin’s thumb was rubbing gentle, soothing circles on his hand.

 

“Are you scared, about leaving Camelot?”

 

“That depends on where you’re taking me”

 

Merlin smirked “nowhere too exotic, I promise, though it may be enough to give you a shock”. The train pulled up, at the exact time Merlin said it would. They boarded the empty carriage, and sat together, legs touching, Arthur realised something.

 

“Merlin” he snapped in a hush tone, “we didn’t pay”

 

Merlin laughed “Arthur, did you see anyone around to pay? Did you see any machines?” Arthur shook his head.

 

“But what if that person comes on and asks for your ticket?”

 

“The…ticket inspector?”

 

“Yes! That’s the one!”

 

“Then we’ll buy a ticket from them” Merlin laughed, Arthur was more naïve about it than he though. It was both sweet and alarming.

 

Arthur spent most the time staring out the window, the dull day passing by like an old black and white film. Merlin never let go of his hand, as they were the only ones on the carriage, he was brave and unashamed, free from the lingering prejudice and fear of his stepfather; he was a different person entirely. Soft and calm, the hardness of his front had disappeared, Arthur could feel himself slowly falling.

 

Pulling Arthur abruptly from his thoughts, Merlin tugged on his arm, “Come on, this is our stop.” Merlin guided him back to the doors where they were greeted by a slow, dull seaside town, the wind whipped around their ears, seagulls shrieked in hunger as they flew overhead. Arthur stood very still, taking it all in. Directly in front of then, grey and angry was the sea, waves frothing against the yellow sand. For the first time in his life, he was out of his comfort zone. His father had always kept him sheltered, there was no need to ever feel out of his depths. But standing here in front of the sea, the smells and sounds unfamiliar, he was unafraid as Merlin’s hand anchored him, somewhere deep inside, he knew he’d be safe with Merlin.

 

They sat on their hoodies, leaving their arms free to cold, Arthur was silent as he took in his surroundings, somehow unable to actually process that he was here – at a beach 40 minutes outside of Camelot, with Merlin’s head resting on his shoulder.

 

“When did you know?” Merlin’s voice quiet, almost swept away with the wind. “That you were – that you like boys that is”

 

Arthur considered the question, for him, there was no great depth to his feelings, there no sudden moment, he’d never thought of it as a big deal. It was all very natural to him, as natural as it was that all his friends liked girls, he liked boys. “I don’t think there was ever a moment, it’s always been that way for me”. Merlin stirred, sitting up straight. Arthur’s shoulder ached for Merlin’s presence.

 

“There was no ‘coming out the closet’ moment? No real realisation?”

 

“I had to come out to people, once I realised that maybe my feelings weren’t normal. It was more a realisation that I didn’t like girls more than it was that I liked boys” they were quiet once more, both considering what Arthur had said. “Was there a moment for you?” Arthur asked, he watched the clouds overhead, thick and heavy; they threatened rain at any minute.

 

“I don’t know” Merlin confessed, thinking hard. “It was never a moment of oh my god, I like boys, it was a jealousy moment, actually. Mordred had, for some reason taken an interest in me after my mother died. Not an interest like he you know – liked me, just, someone gave a shit about me. He didn’t tip toe around me, he didn’t look at me like I was some wounded puppy, he was just my friend.

Then one day, he brought one of his uni mates to one of his parties and they were kissing and I’d never thought of him like that, I never liked him but there I was. Sitting on the sofa watching him shove his tongue down this blokes throat and I was disgusted in myself that I wanted to be doing that, but that’s how I felt.”

Arthur was dumbfounded, he never expected Merlin to be jealous of Mordred, he didn’t even suspect that they were together like that.

 

“My mother got with centred when I was about 6” Merlin’s voice – so gentle it almost got lost in the breeze – made Arthur jump. “Right from when I was a kid he was always ranting on about ‘the gays’, how they were the source of all the problems in the world. It was always there, drummed into my brain that it was wrong, it was so wrong but when Mordred kissed me, it just felt so right.”

 

“Why did you stay with him? After your mother died? Surely there was someone else, somewhere else you’d be safer?”

 

“Because he’s not a bad person!” Merlin spat out, conflicted in his own mind. “My dad left before I ever got to meet him, or at least I don’t remember him, but Cenred was there, from I was a kid he taught me house ride my bike without the stabilisers, he stayed up with me when I was sick, he took me to the park and climbed trees with me and it wasn’t because he wanted to get to my mom, he’d been seeing her for over a year before she introduced him to me. It was because he cared. He enjoyed doing all that stuff. He was my Dad. He’s got shitty views and he’s shitty about them but he’s the closest thing to a Dad I’ll ever have”

 

Arthur didn’t respond, he let Merlin’s inner turmoil settle. Silently, he wound his arm around Merlin’s waist, pulling him closer and gently pressing his lips to his cheek. Merlin shuddered as cold, sharp drops fell on his face, pulling him from his thoughts. The sky had threatened to break all day, now it finally had. Bleak, grey clouds rumbled as big, heavy drops fell around them.

 

“Come on” Merlin stood, holding out his hand for Arthur. His grip was strong and secure as Merlin pulled him up. Arthur was shocked when Merlin pulled him further along the beach, away from the train station. The wind and rain whipped around them, Arthur struggled to see, but Merlin’s path didn’t waver, he battled on towards a row of colourful, wooden huts, some of their paint was wearing away with the weather. Merlin veered towards one of the larger ones, bright, royal blue with two little steps leading up to a decked area. Merlin pulled a bunch of keys from his bag, his gingers felt too numb to sift through them, but he found the right one easily, his fingers went straight to it from memory. He fumbled with the lock, and after what felt like forever, swung the door open and pulled Arthur in after him.

 

The door banged shut, silencing the wind and rain outside. Arthur took a quick second to look around. To the left, was a bench that had been padded to look like a sofa. To the right, was a small clothes rail over a plug in heater, which merlin had flicked on. The back wall had an old canvas photo, of a boy, no older than 4 sitting on the beach, in front of a grand sandcastle, next to him, and older man holding two ice creams. Arthur realised with a jolt that the boy was Merlin.

 

Merlin, who was standing in front of him in the small, enclosed space, rain drops dripping off his hair and down his face. Arthur knew he looked the same, feeling the water running down his face in tiny streams. Arthur could hear Merlin’s breath stuttering, the look of confliction on his face before he closed the space between them, taking Arthurs face in his hands, his lips were soft, but firm against his own. He wasn’t holding back anymore, their tongues danced together, Arthur seized the moment before Merlin could overthink it and take it away. Their bodies pushed closely together, their wet shirts sticking together, Arthur could feel Merlin’s heartbeat pounding against his chest. They collapsed onto the sofa, it was small and narrow, Arthur pinned Merlin down under him, their legs squashed against the back wall, but Arthur didn’t care, didn’t care that their clothes were uncomfortable and sticking to them, he didn’t care that the heater Merlin had turned on was slowly turning the hut into an oven, in that moment, nothing mattered other than Merlin.

 

They moved together, hips finding their own rhythm as Arthur kissed down Merlin’s neck. They helped each peel off their sodden shirts, they landed with a thud hazardously close to the heaters. But Arthur didn’t care, the whole place could burn down and right now he wouldn’t care. Merlin’s hands trailed down his bare back, and hesitated on the waistband of his jeans. His hands moved deftly to the front of his jeans, fumbling with the button Arthur held his breath as his jeans and boxers were pushed down over this thighs. Merlin kissed him harder as his hands wrapped around his cock and pumped, slowly at first, finding his own rhythm. He’d done this before, he could tell but hell, Arthur didn’t care.

 

“Fuck, Merlin” Arthur hissed, as he made his way to Merlin’s own jeans. It wasn’t easy, they were still soaked from the rain and stuck to his hips, but Arthur still managed to pull them down in one go. One hand entwined in Merlin’s hair, the other followed scarce line of hair from his belly button to his pubes. Merlin’s back arched as Arthur took his cock in his hand, his lips paused on Merlin’s waiting for a reaction, waiting for him to say stop. But he didn’t, Merlin’s lips moved to Arthur’s neck, his tongue flicking against his smooth skin.

 

Merlin wouldn’t look at him, he knew that wasn’t what Merlin needed. He was coming to terms with his feelings, Arthur just let him bury his head is his neck and let the feeling of Merlin’s strong grip take over him.

 

\----------------------------

 

Exams were creeping up fast, Merlin had spent most of his time pouring over textbooks and re reading old exam questions. Most of his classes were spent rigorously going through what might come up in the exams. The closer they got, the tighter the knot in Merlin’s stomach got.

 

He’d barely had time to think about Arthur, let alone see him. After the day at the beach, Merlin was falling deeper and deeper, instead of acknowledging his feelings, he threw himself into his studies. Arthur seemed to be doing the same, too. Every time Merlin saw him in the library, he looked as stressed as Merlin felt, nose deep in books and exam papers.

 

The day of his last exam just so happened to be the only exam Arthur was in, too. Merlin tried not to look at him as everyone congregated outside the hall, waiting for the time to be let in. Arthur sat opposite him, talking with Lance and Gwaine, sneaking looks at him without being too obvious. Merlin and Freya were using flashcards to quiz each other, though Merlin’s brain felt like it was going to overload.

 

“No point studying now Emrys, you’ve already failed” Gwaine called over, smirk high on his lips. Arthur blanched, looking for Merlin’s reaction.

 

Merlin didn’t even look up though, just quick fired “Yeah, like your moms contraception”.

 

Gwaine went red, Arthur burst out laughing, along with the other students. “Fucks sake” Gwaine muttered, crossing is arms.

 

Will sauntered in then – more like hopping, actually. “Good news everyone!” He announced, spreading his arms and almost hitting at least three people in the process, “I have arrived and I am stressed out! Woo!”

 

“How much sleep did you get, Will?” Merlin questioned, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

 

“No” Was Will’s reply, he was running on pure adrenaline – and red bull.

 

“Okay” Merlin nodded, turning to Freya “I bet you 10 quid he makes it until the last 10 minutes of the exam, the he’ll crash”

 

Freya snorted delicately “10 quid. The second he puts his pen down, he’ll go”

 

“Are you two seriously taking bets on when your best friend will crash?” Gwaine questioned incredulously.

 

“Yes” They both nodded “tenner, you in?”

 

Gwaine stared at Will, who was swaying happily in the middle of the corridor. “The second the buzzer goes off to say the test is over. His adrenaline will wear off”

 

Arthur shook his head “You’re all disgraceful, have a little faith in poor Will! I say he’ll get out the hall and sleep here”

 

“You’re all wrong” Will sang “because I’m never sleeping, ever again!”

 

“Okay” Merlin agreed, “But if you decide you want to sleep ever again, can it be 10 minutes before the test ends”

 

The doors opened to the hall and everyone stood up nervously. Merlin dumped his bag at the back of hall and hoped to god that Arthur wasn’t in his eye line.

 

As it happened, he wasn’t. So Merlin could concentrate on what was on his paper, and not what was in front of him. Much to his surprise, he flew threw his paper, everything he studied had been relevant and for the first time, he felt relieved. There was only fifteen minutes left, Merlin flicked through his paper again, making sure everything was right. He looked around again, 10 minutes to go. Will was writing furiously, eyes bloodshot and wild. He searched for Arthur, heart not settling until he’d seen him at least once.

 

And there he was, writing confidently, he had a small smirk on his face. They’d been texting quick fire exam questions to each other for weeks, it had payed off. Merlin looked over to Will again, 10 minutes to go and he was still going strong. Damn.

 

Finally, the buzzer filled the room, and everyone sat back, in disappointment or relief. The exams were collected, and they were free to go. Merlin and Freya bee lined for Will, who was rocking in his chair frightfully.

 

“I. Hate. Shakespeare” He muttered, hand clenched into fists.

 

“We know” Merlin assured him

 

“He probably hates you too, after today” Freya murmured, helping his out of his seat. Taking an arm each, they guided him out to the corridor. He needed sleep, they all did now.

 

“Not dead!” Will called to Gwaine and Arthur as they passed, Merlin rolled his eyes.

 

“Give it time” Merlin muttered, giving Arthur a meaningful look. He wanted to hug him, more than anything. He wanted to ask him how it went, was he as confident as he looked? But he couldn’t, not here, not now.

 

So, much later - after Cenred had gone to bed, he went to meet him, pacing over the humpback bridge he ached to see Arthur. He practically jumped at him when he finally approached. Merlin kissed him hard, that’s all he’d wanted to do, for weeks after the day at the beach, both their lives had been filled with study days at school and late nights pouring over text books, Merlin had been mildly grateful, it gave him time to mull over his feelings, the feelings that only got stronger the longer he stayed away.

 

“I’ve missed you so much” Merlin whispered against Arthurs lips. “It’s over, it’s finally over”

 

“How did you do?” Arthur asked, forehead resting against Merlin’s.

 

“Really good, I think. I just hope it’s enough. Enough to get away from here”

 

“it will be” Arthur soothed gently “In three months’ time we’ll be going to Plymouth and we can be together, we can finally, finally live in peace”

 

Merlin smiled, Arthur’s heart stuttered a little bit “Sometimes that’s the only thing that got the through the stress and exhaustion. Knowing that after all this is over, we can be together. I have this vision in my head of us having a shitty little apartment, and we both have part time jobs and uni and everything just comes together and – and we’re happy”

 

Arthur smiled at his confession, he too had a similar vision. “I think about it too” the streamed rushed under them, and leaves rustled in the wind. “I think about it all the time. Merlin I just want to be with you”

 

“We’ll get there. I know we will.”

 

\---------------

 

Cenred had been pretty lenient with him after his exams finished. After he’d come home from his last exam Cenred had brought a bottle of cheap champagne to celebrate.

 

“Next time we’ll be celebrating you getting into uni” He’d patted his back proudly. “And then you’ll be off into the big wide world, flying the nest” Cenred fake sniffled, and Merlin laughed.

 

“Piss off old man” He gave him a playful shove. “You’ll miss me when I’m gone” But Merlin sure as hell wouldn’t miss him.

 

But Cenred’s good moods meant Merlin didn’t have to sneak out as much. Cenred didn’t care if he want out to parties and stayed out all night, as long as he came back the next day – or text to him to say he wasn’t dead – Cenred was happy to let Merlin be.

 

Which made Merlin’s life much easier to sneak around with Arthur, after the sleepy village had turned their lights off and turned into bed, Arthur and Merlin came together in the old gazebo, making plans.

 

Some nights they spent with their separate friends, they had it carefully planned out so no one suspected anything.

 

Mordred, however had quickly guessed what was going on. Since he’d left uni, there had been a party at his house every Saturday night, without fail. Mostly his uni mates getting and drinking. Mordred watched Arthur and Merlin, a few months ago, they couldn’t stand each other, now they were stealing moments, talking in quiet corners.

 

Mordred pulled Merlin into his room – one of the two rooms that are always locked at his parties – and kissed him. Merlin kissed back with less enthusiasm than usual, confirming his suspicion.

 

“Are you stupid? Sneaking around with pendragon?” He snapped, Merlin jumped in shock.

 

“I’m not sneaking around with anyone except you, Mordred”

 

“I’m not stupid! I’ve been watching you, and if I’ve noticed, other people are going to notice. That’s how rumours get started and that’s how you’re going to get yourself killed!” Mordred did everything in his power to stop himself from screaming, but he needed to do something to drum it into Merlin’s head that this was not a good idea.

 

“No one’s here, Mordred! A few people from Camelot, and everyone’s too off their face to notice anyway”

 

“You don’t know that! For fucks sake, Merlin Valliant’s here. Cenred’s best friend’s son, you don’t think he’d go back and tell his dad that you’re making googly eyes at Pendragon? You don’t think he’s not going to tell Cenred? Cenred hates Arthur”

 

“I know that! I know it all, okay! I’ve spent all my life knowing it! Some of my earliest memories are him telling me that he’d kill every gay person he knows if he could. That wouldn’t stop at me I know! But Mordred I’ve got 2 weeks until my results come back, I’ve got a month here”

 

“Merlin you’ve got a month! One month to keep your damn head down and not start trouble with him, just get through it”

 

Tears ran silently down Merlin’s cheek, Mordred hadn’t meant to make him cry, but maybe that meant he understood the danger he was in.

 

“I’m just sick of hiding who I am” Merlin collapsed onto the bed, Mordred sat down and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “I just want someone to accept who I am”

 

“Merlin there are plenty of people who accept who you are, but there’s going to be a lot of people who don’t. Don’t risk your life with Cenred, please”

 

“One month” Merlin breathed, his breath shaky. “I can survive one month”

 

 ----------

 

Merlin stumbled home early hours that morning, wound up from his argument with Mordred. He went straight to bed, hoping to sleep away his bad feeling.

 

He padded down stairs the next morning, his head hurt and his mouth tasted…mouldy. Yep, definitely mouldy. He pulled a glass from the outdated cupboards, the whole kitchen needed re decorating, it was out dated before his mother died, now it was almost back in fashion. But, with him and Cenred living there, there was no chance it was getting decorated.

 

“Drop something last night?” Cenred’s voice made him jump, though it was dangerously low. He hadn’t realised Cenred was there – sitting at the little round table, elbows resting on the top, his hands gripping his dark hair tightly, the strands threatening to rip out at any moment. In front of his, was a small clear packet with – oh shit.

 

Shit shit and shit again. His coke.

 

“Cenred I –”

 

“Cenred nothing” He stood curtly, the chair falling behind him, landing with a crack on the floor, Neither of them payed attention to it. “I don’t want to hear your bullshit, Merlin, You are not. Not doing coke in my house, not when you’re under my care”

 

“I didn’t do anything in your house” Merlin hissed, he knew this was not the time to be smart, but it was like a reflex.

 

A plate flew past his head. If Merlin thought Cenred was angry before, it was nothing compared to now. The plate lay shattered at his feet, missing its target.

 

“I don’t give a shit! Cenred shouted, fists balled up in anger, the skin stretching over his knuckles, turning white with the effort. “You want to ruin your life? Cause that’s where you’re going! You’re under my roof, that’s my rules, you are not doing fucking coke, anywhere!”

 

“Your rules? Your fucking rules? You’re not my mum! You don’t rule me!”

 

“You’re in my care, and you do as I will, and let me tell you now boy, I sure as hell wouldn’t be doing coke!”

 

“I bet you wouldn’t be fucking blokes either!” The words out before he could stop them. Spoken too loud and fast.

 

“What…did you just say?”

 

“You heard me” Merlin stood up straighter. Chin jutting out defiantly. Cenred lunged, Merlin had expected it, but Cenred was heavier than he was. The first punch came to his cheek, his vision blurring temporarily as the blow subdued.

 

“You are not a fag” Cenred hissed, eyes dark with anger.

 

“Yes, I am. There’s nothing you can do about it”

 

Cenred narrowed his eyes. Then, it all happened too quickly. Cenred turned to grab a knife off the counter, and he dived at Merlin. He managed to bring his arm up just in time. The knife plunged into his bicep, hot blood poured down his arm and onto the floor. Merlin cried out in pain, white, scalding pain. Then, the knife was in his stomach.

 

He didn’t make a sound this time, just sunk to the floor in shock. It didn’t hurt, but the sensation of blood made him think _panic!_

 

Cenred was staring between Merlin and his hands, covered in dripping blood.

 

“I – ”

 

There was a banging on the door. “Police! Open up!”

 

“Help me” Merlin pleaded, clutching the wound on his stomach. His arms felt weak and unresponsive. The banging on the door got louder and heavier, until the door caved in. Cenred backed away slowly, shaking his head.

 

Two officer barged in. The one, Merlin recognised. It was Gwaine’s dad, he’d been at the school after they’d had their fight. Officer Greene knelt down in front of him, and pressed his own hands to his stomach, as the other officer cuffed Cenred, while calling for back up.

 

“Merlin, isn’t it?” Officer Greene said soothingly, not breaking eye contact. Merlin nodded. “It’s going to be alright, the ambulance is on its way, just hold on” Merlin shook his head. He didn’t want to hang on, but there was no darkness in sight. He was all too aware. “Talk to me, Merlin. Tell me something, anything, tell me about school, are you going to university?”

 

Merlin nodded. “Plymouth” His voice was shaky and weak. It reminded him of the conversation he’d had with Arthur the first time he’d kissed him.

 

“That’s good” Officer Greened nodded, looking around the kitchen. He spotted a towel, and reached up to grab it, pushing it against his stomach, trying to stop the blood. “What are you doing there?”

 

“Mental Health” breathing was getting harder. He closed his eyes, willing the darkness to just take over.

 

“Come on, stay with me, Merlin. Don’t give in, you’re stronger than that”

 

“I can’t” Merlin moaned. In the distance, he could hear sirens. “He’s really done it, I knew he would”

 

“The ambulance is here” His vision was going blurry. There was a flurry of motion, two men in bright jackets rushing in, shouting, pounding.

 

He gripped the officer’s jacket as tight as his weak limbs would let him. “Help, please help me”

 

His eyes welled up, tears threatening to spill. “it’s okay, Merlin, the paramedics are here, they’ll help you”

 

“Don’t let him kill me” Merlin closed his eyes, a sob escaping.

 

“I won’t” He whispered, as Merlin faded away.

 

Finally.

 

\--------------------------------------

 

Gwaine, Arthur, Percy, Elyan and Lance sat around the living room, playing fifa and taking the piss out of each other. Out of the corner of his eye, Gwaine could see his mother in the kitchen, anxiously tapping her foot. He knew how she felt, his dad was meant to be home hours ago. He caught the whiff of a phone conversation earlier.

 

_‘How late home? Stabbing? Survived? Oh god!’_

 

His mother had assured him his dad was alright, just had a case to work on, but his stomach was in knots. If there was a stabbing, it would be the first in…well, since he could remember. It didn’t happen in Camelot, it just didn’t.

 

Eventually, well after the sun had set, his father came in, his uniform and hands splattered in dried blood. The boys all stopped and stared.

 

“Dad, what happened?” Gwaine gasped, as his mother stormed in, jerking her head in the direction of the kitchen. He followed slowly, shuffling his feet. The boys all listened closely, curiosity getting the better of them. But they couldn’t hear anything, only the water running from the tap. Gwaine could imagine his father aggressively rubbing soap into his hands, trying to get the blood stains off. Eventually, he came back into the room, and sat on the armchair. Where he always sat.

 

“I need to tell you guys something” His tone was grave, his grey eyes heavy from the long day. “You need to hear it from me, before it gets into the papers and there’s rumours and god knows what else” He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. “Before I tell you, Arthur, your Dad wanted me to let you know…let you know that he loves you, okay?”

 

Arthur’s stomach sank. “My dad? Is he alright, what happened?”

 

“Your Dads fine, he’s took over the case, is all, and it’s a rather sensitive case. You all know Merlin Emrys, right?”

 

The group nodded, but Arthur just felt sick. This couldn’t be happening.

 

“He – he was stabbed, last night. After an argument with his step dad.”

 

“Oh god!” Arthur’s voice was too loud, but he didn’t care. Merlin had been _stabbed_. “Why, what happened?”

 

“I haven’t heard Cenred’s version of events yet, I just got back from the hospital, I wanted to make sure Merlin was stable before I came home. Apparently there was a pretty big argument, the neighbours called us. By the time we got there, Merlin was just –” he cut off, running his hands over his face.

 

This never happened, not here in Camelot.

 

“Merlin’s alright though, isn’t he?” Gwaine piped up. Arthur had lost all words, his head swam.

 

“They wouldn’t let me see him, I’m not family, all I know is that he’s in intensive care”

 

“He’s got no family” Arthur whispered. This couldn’t be happening. Not to Merlin.

 

“What was the argument about?” Gwaine questioned, though he was fearful of the answer. He looked over to Arthur, they both knew, though. They knew what they would have argued about, an argument bad enough for Merlin to get stabbed.

 

“I don’t know, I can guess, but I didn’t hear the argument, only the aftermath. You boys had better go home. This news is going to travel fast, your parents will want you home.” They nodded, and made to leave. Gwaine pulled Arthur aside.

 

“Are you – are you alright?” He asked bashfully, eyes searching for any signs of a breakdown.

 

“No. How can I be okay? What if he doesn’t wake up, Gwaine?” Gwaine shook his head.

 

“Arthur, just have faith, it’s Merlin of all people, have faith”

 

“I need to go” Arthur turned and ran. He ran until his feet blistered and his lungs hurt. He ran past him own house, to other side of the village, and stopped abruptly outside Merlin’s house, the front garden taped off with blue police tape. Police cars flashed, blocking off the road, his father wearily stumbled out the front door, his suit tired and wrinkled.

 

“Dad!” Arthur shouted, running under the tape. Usher walked forward, and for the first time since Arthur could remember, he enveloped him into a hug. The gesture was stiff and unnatural to both of them, but Arthur held on for as long as he could

 

“I love you” his dad whispered reverently.

 

“I know” Arthur looked passed his father, the door to Merlin’s house was wide open, he could see directly into the kitchen. A knife lay glistening on the floor, amongst a puddle of blood. All he could think was there’s too much blood for someone to have survived.

 

\------------------------------------------------

 

Arthur spent days locked in his room, refusing to speak or eat or move, just lay there until someone could tell him something, anything.

 

Eventually, after god knows how long, Gwaine came and sat on the bed next to him. Arthur lay staring at the ceiling. “He’s out of intensive care”

 

Arthur frowned, what did that mean?

 

“He’s still in a coma, but they’ve moved him onto a ward. They that medically, he’s stable, they’re just waiting for him to wake up. He can have visitors now, Arthur you can go and see him”

 

“I can see him” Speaking felt alien to him, his throat ached, everywhere ached now that he thought about.

 

“Visiting times in an hour, just enough time for you to have a shower and eat something before Mordred comes and picks us up”

 

Arthur sat up slowly, he was going to see Merlin, he could actually go and see him. He went straight to the bathroom, he didn’t even recognise himself in the mirror, his blonde hair had darkened with grease, sticking up in different directions. There were deep, black bags under his eyes. His eyes that were bloodshot red. He turned the shower as hot as it could go, and washed away the grime of the last few days. He scrubbed his hair, twice, still not convinced that the grease would ever come out.

 

Morgana had set him out some fresh clothes, obviously anticipating that eventually, he would have to shower. Gwaine was still sitting on his bed, this time with 2 plates of sandwiches.

 

“Morgana made you some food, she made some, too. But mine came out with little crisps that spelt out I heart Gwaine”

 

Arthur snorted. “Mate, the only way that happened is if you spelt it out yourself”

 

I’m telling you,” Gwaine smirked and raised his eyebrows “she’s got the hots for me”

 

Arthur smiled, he felt slightly more normal, but as he sat him Mordred’s car on the way to the hospital, a feeling of dread washed over him. He didn’t know what kind of state Merlin would be in. He kept thinking about all the blood on the kitchen floor, thinking how could anyone have survived that.

 

He followed Mordred in a daze, not paying attention to his sterile surroundings, until he was stood in front of his bed. Thin white sheets covered him, as he lay, pale, gaunt, unresponsive and covered in wires. He stumbled to the seat next to the bed and collapsed down, clutching Merlin’s hand, he raised it to his lips, gently kissing his smooth, pale hand. He thought of the time they went to the beach, how merlin didn’t let go of his hand all day.

 

“I’m sorry” Arthur whispered, his voice cracking. “I’m so, so sorry. Sorry this happened to you.” Merlin lay still, unresponsive and gaunt. If it weren’t for the rise and fall of his chest, Arthur would have thought he was dead. “We get our results back in 2 weeks. You can’t miss that, Merlin. Not after how hard you worked, you can’t miss it. This was your chance, Merlin. Your chance to get away from here. We were so close” the tears that had refused to spill had finally come, warms droplets patting Merlin’s hand. “We can still do it, get our flat in Plymouth. We’ll get part time jobs and live off shitty cheap take away and I’ll moan at you cause you’re so messy but I’ll always clean up after you, because I love you, Merlin. I Love you and I need you”

He didn’t know how long he was sat there, painting their future together when Gwaine told him visiting hours were over.

 

Just like that. And Merlin hadn’t opened his eyes once. Would he ever?

 

\-------------------------------------

 

3 years later.

 

Merlin awoke before the sun, his alarm wouldn’t go off for another hour, but he didn’t want to wake Arthur. Slowly, he turned over, Arthur was still fast asleep, his too long hair covered his eyes. Merlin kept telling him to get a hair cut.

 

“When I’ve got time” Arthur always replied. Time wasn’t the problem, though. The problem was he was being a girl about who cuts his hair. He’d spent the past week reading Facebook reviews about hairdressers in the area. Anyone who had a single review with under 4 stars were eliminated. Merlin was tempted to cut it himself.

 

He slid out of bed, dressing silently, and slipping out the door. Arthur wouldn’t wake until early afternoon, he’d been working nights to get some extra money until his new job started in September. Merlin’s job – on the other hand starts two days after graduation, no rest for the wicked.

 

His car keys jingled in his hand, disturbing the peaceful early morning. It was still pitch black, Merlin had to tread carefully as he went down the steps to the car park. In the corner, was his bright Orange Saxo. Arthur had been a mixture of disgusted and amused when he’d driven it home, a week after passing his test halfway through their first year of uni It was cheap when he brought it, off a classmate’s brother who was moving away and getting a “grownups” car. But he’d brought it for Arthur; Arthur who hadn’t seen past Camelot or Plymouth. So when they both had time off, they’d get in the shitty little car and drive. No map, no satnav, just a sense of adventure.

 

He started the engine, and flicked on the lights, illuminating the tiny car park. It was always darkest before dawn. It was a long journey, Merlin head straight for the M5, only stopping to find a 24 hour McDonald’s when he started to get hungry. The roads were clear, so he made good time. He enjoyed driving alone, he couldn’t listen to whatever music he wanted, and have silly little arguments with himself.

 

He was an hour early, so parked up, so he parked up in the half empty car park, wound down his window with great effort and lit one of the cheap menthol cigarettes Arthur hated him smoking. He puffed as he listened to the local early morning radio. The more he smoked, the more cars came. The more cars came, the closer it got, until he couldn’t put it off any longer.

 

The building was bigger and more intimidating than he’d ever expected, he tried not to look up as buzzed to get in.

 

“Name” the bored looking lady at reception demanded. It was like that, was it?

 

“Merlin Emrys” He tried to keep his voice from shaking, he wasn’t sure how successful he was.

 

A lanyard was thrust at him through the tiny window. “Okay Merlin Emrys, down the corridor, on your left.” The window was banged shut, and Merlin was left to walk alone. He made his way slowly down the corridor. He could hear the noise of the room he wanted, excited chatter, crying and anger. A hurricane of emotions flooded towards him, he gritted his teeth pushed himself through the door.

 

His eyes searched the room, though he didn’t need to look far. He tried not to show how nervous he was, he tried sitting down as gracefully as possible, but grace was never his strong point.

 

“You’re the last person I expected to see here” Cenred was staring hard, dark eyes boring into his soul.

 

“You know what day it is” Merlin tried not to meet his eyes, instead he picked a hangnail on his finger.

 

“That’s why you’re the last person I expected to see here”

 

“I asked for you, at the hospital” Merlin digressed, his finger was bleeding now, a bubble of blood forming. He didn’t care, he kept picking.

 

“No one told me that” Cenreds’ tone had softened. Merlin still refused to look at him. Frightened by the emotions overcoming him.

 

“No one would tell me where you were. I mean, I guessed, but I wanted to see you”

 

“Why?”

 

Merlin finally looked up, tears in his eyes. “Because you’re my dad! I wanted you there, I didn’t care about what happened, I needed someone! I’ve got no family, no one to take me home, they couldn’t release me because there was no one to look after me. All I wanted was you”

 

“Merlin” Cenreds voice trembled, he drew his lips into a tight line, “I’m the reason you were there”

 

“And what you did to me was shitty, and you’re a shitty person but you were still my dad. That was the hardest part, knowing that you’d do that to me, just because of who I am”

 

“I’m sorry” it wasn’t the first time he’d apologised, he’d apologised to the press, to the media, asked people to pass on the message. Merlin had never given him the chance to say it to his face. Told himself he didn’t need to hear it, didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t need to hear it, though. He knew, he knew by look on his face after he’d done it. Merlin stayed quiet, pulling his thoughts together.

 

“I don’t have many clear memories from when I was a kid, until you turned up. I remember my mom crying, I was maybe four. I think it was about my father, I can’t remember though. I do remember when she brought you home. I didn’t like you, at all, but that didn’t stop you from sitting next to me while I played Lego, you didn’t even say anything, you didn’t try and force me to talk to you, you just sat there and handed me pieces of Lego until I finally acknowledged you, how long was that?”

 

Cenred laughed, his scruffy beard had flecks of white in it. “About two hours, you were stubborn; just like your mother. I remember that, we spent hours making a castle, when you finally spoke to me.”

 

“I remember some kids on the street bullying me because I still had stabilisers on my bike, so every day that summer, after you’d been to work we’d go to the park and you’d take them off my bike, it took a week, but you stuck with me every time I lost my temper, or fell off and didn’t want to get back on. You patched me up and got me back on. When I’d finally mastered it, we went cycling every night around the park until the nights got cold and dark. I stopped calling you Cenred after that, you were dad.”

 

Blood dripped down his finger, but he carried on picking, opening old wounds. “I thought about this for a long time. After mom died, you didn’t have to stick with me, you could have let me go, but you petitioned to adopt me. I was a horrible teenager, but you stuck through all of it.

What I’m trying to say is, I don’t know how much I forgive you for what you’ve done, but I still love you. You’re still my dad”.

 

“Thank you, Merlin” Cenred reached over to touch his hand, Merlin didn’t move. “Visiting times almost over” Cenred told him regretfully. “How’s uni going?”

 

Merlin smiled “it’s really good, actually. I graduate next month, I’ve got a job as a mental health nurse for a private healthcare, it’s good money and a good opportunity”

 

Cenred’s face lit up with pride “well done, Merlin. I’m really proud of you” he hadn’t moved his hand from Merlin’s, and Merlin didn’t try to move it. It was the first real father-son moment they’d had in years, since long before the incident.

 

But the guards came to shuffle everyone out, Merlin stood and, carefully, put a hand out to Cenred’s shoulder. “Thank you for coming to see me” Cenred said, preparing to leave.

 

“I’ll see you again soon, yeah Dad?” The words came out smooth, but inside, he felt like the aftermath of a hurricane.

 

Cenred smiled “I’d like that”.

 

Merlin sat back in his car, watching everybody leaving, families with children; wives and girlfriends, boyfriends and husbands; sons, daughters, and parents all getting into their cars and leaving behind loved ones. Merlin wondered what their lives were life, were they filled with regret and devastation like his? Or was this their normal?

 

He lit a cigarette, letting the smoke hang in veils around him. He hoped to god it was worth all the health risks. He stayed there long after the car had gone, until he finally got the strength to start the engine. He drove home, not paying much attention to anything. Arthur would probably still be asleep when he got back, he usually slept through the day when he was working night shifts.

 

He closed the door as quietly as he could, hoping the wood hadn’t swollen again. Their flat was tiny, it was advertised as open plan, but that just meant the kitchen was three foot away from the sofa. It definitely wasn’t messy, but it wasn’t clean, either. The door to the bedroom was ajar, he padded over and looked in from the doorway. The double bed took up most the room, leaving just enough space for a wardrobe, which intruded the grimy window.

 

The flat was far from perfect, but it was everything he ever imagined. Through all their silly fights, the shouting and door slamming; the laughter and the love, this tiny, shitty apartment had provided their safe space, a place for them to be together. There was a time where they’d never imagined that was possible, but here they were, away from the judgment of their small village; they lived in peace.

 

Arthur was sleeping peacefully, his breathing heavy and even. His dark eyelashes lay softly on his cheeks, his too long blonde hair – darker in dulled room – was tousled against the blue pillowcase. Even after all this time, Merlin still got butterflies.

 

His stomach growled in hunger. He searched the fridge, hoping the smell of bacon would lure Arthur in from his slumber.

 

The bacons was sizzling nicely when Arthur roused from the bedroom. He slipped his arms around Merlin’s waist, one hand roaming to stroke the dimpled scar on his stomach. He’d done that every day since he was confident it wouldn’t hurt Merlin. The scar was a painful reminder of how much they’d overcome. He kissed his stubbly cheek, the scratchy hairs tickling his nose.

 

“You stink of cigarettes” he whispered, he could feel Merlin’s face contract into a smile, but it swiftly fell. “Did you go out today? I thought I heard the door”

 

Merlin hesitated, flipping the bacon in the pan “I went to see Cenred” he told him, his voice low.

 

“Merlin – ”

 

“It’s been three years, I thought – I just wanted to see him” he turned face Arthur, whose face was carefully blank.

 

“Shit yeah, it’s three years today. Are you alright?” The question was gentl, but probing. Merlin pressed his forehead against Arthur’s, the fat from the pan spitting at his back.

 

“I’m fine. I just needed to speak to him”

 

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

 

Merlin searched Arthur’s eyes, clear and blue, they were home.

 

“I’ve got everything I ever wanted, Arthur. Right here”

 

 

End.


End file.
